|
|
The purpose of this Glossary is to explain any obscure reference to characters or shows present in some of the stories in this zine. Some people insist on using names referred to in stories not present or like to use characters from old and new television shows no one has ever heard of.. or is ever likely to outside of the Relativity forum. As official Glotterizer for the past 6 issues...
"Giles!" Willow glanced up from her computer screen. "Giles?" she called again, scanning the library.
"Yes, Willow," the bespectacled librarian answered, popping out from the book shelves in the rear.
"Giles," she repeated, frowning and pouting a bit at what she saw. "Is 'Glotterize' a word?"
"Oh, um, well," he stammered. "Used in what context?" Giles came down the stairs to see what Willow was reading.
"I think it's someone who writes a glossary, but I'm not sure." She punched the page down key. "She says she's a Glotterizer."
Giles glanced over the computer hacker's shoulder. "Oh." He removed his glasses, then replaced them. "No, then, I.. no, I don't believe that that tis a word." He started to turn away but stopped. "What exactly have you got there?"
Willow sat up straighter, smiling brilliantly at the prospect of getting to share what she'd found. "It's very exciting," she declared enthusiastically. "I was just messing around, searching for key words and I tried 'Watcher Diaries.'"
"What?" he exclaimed, nervously moving closer.
"And boy was I surprised when I got something," she continued, unaware of Giles' sudden panic.
"The Watcher Diaries are on line?" Giles cried. "How...?"
"Oh." She became aware of the librarian's concern. "It's not the you kind of Watcher Watcher. No, no, that would be... bad," she reassured Giles. "But, this is the really cool part, it seems some Methos-guy got mad at this organization and spread their diaries and journals, going back centuries, all over the net," she explained. "But I don't think it's for real. It appears this organization spectate-sports 'immortals' who can only be killed by having their heads cut off." She wrinkled her face in disgust. "And all they do is watch, they don't help."
"Oh, dear." Giles pursed his lips. "It certainly doesn't sound very civilized." He paused. "And you're positive there is no mention of Slayers or vampires?"
"Absolutely," she stated, clandestinely making a note to herself about going back to the site to check.
"But what has this to do with this glotteral person?" Giles leaned on the table, toying with his glasses.
"Nothing, but I somehow found I'd hack... er discovered a private area that lists secret journals and histories and things. And then I found this family." She grinned delightedly "They are so cool. They're like spies and astronauts and detectives and really neat things and there are pictures and the guys in this family are just so good looking..." Her mind wandered a little as she remembered some of portraits she'd seen. "Good looking must be a requirement to be in this family," she wisely noted.
"Well, that's all, uh, very... very interesting," Giles noted. "But you know I... I certainly cannot condone your using school property for illegal acquisition of pictures... cute or not."
Willow sighed at the coming lecture. "They say they have a werewolf in the family," she teased. "But you're right. I should leave and delete the addre..."
"Werewolf," he queried. "Well, if this is.. if this is legitimate research..." The Watcher leaned over Willow's shoulder to get a better look at the screen as she scrolled down.
Willow grinned. She'd gotten his attention.
They were interrupted by the sudden arrival of Cordelia and Xander throwing open the library's twin swinging doors.
"There's a Mummy after my Daddy!" Cordelia screamed as she ran towards Giles and Willow.
"You're mother's chasing your father?" Giles knitted his eyebrows in confusion at the unwarranted hysteria.
"No, there's a Mummy after her Daddy," Xander clarified. "Gosh, I just love saying that." He smiled broadly.
Cordelia glared at him. "Where's Buffy? She has to save him."
"Oh dear," Giles declared. "She's in the gym working out."
"Let's go." Cordelia grabbed at Willow and Giles' sleeves to hurry them out the door. Willow leaped out of her chair, accidentally hitting a key on the board.
Unattended, the computer scrolled up to reveal the notes regarding werewolves... and Giles' cousin, Ian. But just as suddenly, something in the system finally recognized a security violation and logged off the device, wiping any evidence of the web site's location and existence from the memory.
...I must admit that I feel like I'm repeating myself, but we do have to assume that someone is reading our work for the first time and gear it towards that. Wouldn't want anyone to be too confused by the universe. Maybe some day I can do something unusual and unnecessary in this space. You know, something that really doesn't make any sense at all, but's fun -- though I doubt if anyone would ever notice, coz who's going to read this nonsense after all.
Well, if you do need clarification on anything contained in this fanzine, I surely hope we've anticipated your queries and have added it here for your convenience. Have a great day!
APOCRYPHAL COUSINS: Apocryphal cousins seem to keep popping up every year. Most times they appear in the fuzzy, fanged, see-through or flying form of what could be considered fantasy or sci fi -- werewolves, vampires, superheroes, etc. Randi, the werewolf from She-Wolf of London/Love & Curses, seems to be a favorite subject. (Though why a guy can time-travel, popping into other people's bodies, and still not be considered apocryphal, is beyond my humble understanding.)
The deal with the Apocryps is that the story lines they appear in may or may not be considered Relativity reality. This is up to the fickle, unexplainable, no-rhyme-or-reason whims of one of the editors (though which, you'll never hear from me. Just be glad you don't write about guys who just happen to occasionally, kinda, sorta, well... fly -- but only a little, I swear! -- or you might be relegated to apocryldom too).
BETHIE: Bethie is a character from a Battlestar Galactica story called "The Quiet Whisper." It has come to our attention that Bethie may not have really died in a hole as previously reported in the past. We believe it is a government conspiracy that will be revealed in the upcoming feature film: Relativity: The Movie. We hope you stay tuned to our simple zine in the years to come after the big-budget special effects in the theater have absolutely blown you away. We've got our fingers crossed.
COUSIN OLIVER: Cousin Oliver is just a brief mention in this issue's installment of the "Wolf Claw" series. Oliver is from VR.5 and is Sydney Bloom's contact to the weird, secretive villainous society that is after Papa Bloom's VR technology. Oliver is Ian Matheson and Rupert Giles' cousin (looking amazingly like Giles... and that Taster's Choice guy).
GEORGE FOX: He's baaacckk! George Fox is the Federal agent who was trying to capture Paul Forrester and Scott Hayden in the series, Starman. George is a bit over the edge -- convinced there's a conspiracy to hide the fact alien's are trying to take over the world. Okay, so it sounds a little like he and Mulder might be related, but they're not. Mulder's right -- George is crazy. George specializes in kidnapping poor, unsuspecting junkmen, while trying to avoid his ex-partner -- who happens to be dead (see, told ya - looneytune).
JOHN CUSACK: Why John C? And I ask you, why not? Not that I'm especially fond of him, but the actresses of Buffy are particularly enamored with the gentleman (yes, all of them) and it seemed like a good idea at the time.
KANSAS COSMOSPHERE AND SPACE CENTER: It's really and truly there... Yes, in the middle of Kansas... of all places! <sigh>
MURPHY'S LEG: Fans of first season Remington Steele may not remember Murphy Michaels having a limp in the show. He didn't. Jill gave it to him after he almost died in a cave in "Will You Steele Need Me?" published in Steele Files I and reprinted in Works of Steele (available from me, ask for details). Jill really has a "thing" against Murphy. She damages him at any given opportunity. But Murph's starting to get a little annoyed at this being used as a plot device. Don't be surprised if he doesn't rebel and teach the writer's a lesson some day. He wants to know how many times can you... (Editor's note: sorry for the regression. Murphy's back in Denver and will not be interrupting this glossary again.)
REAL GHOSTBUSTERS: This was an animated series based upon the movie, Ghostbusters. These guys go after nasty, haunting spirits. Luckily they left Slimer home for their stint in R-7.
SEPARATED AT BIRTH: Let's talk about Dotty... er Abigail... um Ellen... uh Ernie's step-mom... oh Annie's soon-to-be step-mom -- what the heck -- Beverly Garland. There are a few universes established out there that have Dotty (Amanda's mum from SMK) and Abigail (Laura's mother from RS) as twin sisters, but Relativity has never gone this route. We have had, however, some serious speculation that Ellen (Lois' mom from L&C) could be related to them. Ms. Garland is certainly the mother of all mothers. Cool, huh. (How many remember watching My Three Sons in it's original run? Hated Dodie, by the way.) And now she's going to be Annie's step-mama on Seventh Heaven. So far we're up to Sextuplets.
SPELL CHECK: Pity the poor editors out there who actually believe spell check is perfect. (Anyone else end up with "Captain January" while working on Voyager stories?) Please remember that it's not always a good idea to "replace all" (probL.E.M. is not the normal form this word should take). And be understanding when your favorite characters names are messed up (Edgar Benedek has requested we let everyone know he has no evil twin named Edgar Benedict). Thank you for your kind understanding.