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The purpose of this Glossary is to explain any obscure reference to characters or shows present in some of the stories in this zine. Some people insist on using names referred to in stories not present or like to use characters from old and new television shows no one has ever heard of.. or is ever likely to...
APOCRYPHAL COUSINS: These are relatives actually included in the family tree but are a bit on the extra-ordinary or fantastical side. One very important thing to note: these stories might or might not affect the cousins history. They may agree with each other, they may conflict with each other. That's the way it is!
BETHIE: Bethie is a character from a Battlestar Galactica story called "The Quiet Whisper." She was an incredibly unsympathetic hosepail who everyone wanted to die -- but no one seemed to be able to kill her, no matter how hard they tried. One day, some one accidentally lopped off her head and she didn't get up again. There was much rejoicing and they ate Robin's minstrels. The end! (Come on, if you've ever read Relativity before you know who Bethie is. Not wishing to part with tradition, Bethie is included herein, but nobody said that what I write about her has to be accurate -- also, thought I'd try to see if anyone really reads this thing ;-)
BEVERLY GARLAND: There are many out there who believe that Gaea is the Mother-Of-All, but we know this is not the case. Beverly Garland holds that distinction. From being the mother of someone's "three sons" (and Dodie) -- to Abigail Holt (Laura's mom) to Dotty West (Amanda's mom) to Ellen Lane (Lois' mom) -- she's the ultimate! Boy, you've been busy -- we salute you Beverly!
CAITLIN: Okay, I'm not planning to corrupt Caitlin like I did another of the glossary's annual residents, but, come on guys... you know who, what, why and how she is. It's late and I don't want to type any more! ;-)
THE "COLONEL": The "Colonel" is Lee's uncle. First season Scarecrow & Mrs. King referred to him only by this name. Second season they gave him a face and a last name. It was not Stetson, which would have made him Lee's mother's brother. Unfortunately, SMK was never big on continuity. The "Colonel" was a red-necked Army officer and Lee's mother was a proper British lady. We believe the contradictions cancel each other and choose to go the way of Reunion and all the other stories written before the SMK writers messed with their own storyline. So... Colonel Stetson is Lee's father's brother and Jenny Michaels Stetson is from Santa Fe, New Mexico.
HAT SQUAD: Very short-lived series starring Don Paul Michael as Buddy Capatosa and James Tolkan (aka: Norman Keyes from Remington Steele) as his adopted father. Nestor Serrano shared billing as one of Buddy's varied siblings and can now be seen as a regular on Moloney.
LOIS & CLARK: Three zines ago, I wrote my first L&C story with Lois discovering Clark's secret. The series had gone through an incredibly annoying, stupid arc and they ended the show in a cliffhanger -- did she or didn't she know. I diverged from the series from that point. I had them marry last Relativity and I'm sticking to my timeline. Hope this doesn't offend any FoLC (Friends of Lois & Clark), but I like the fact they move a tiny big quicker in my universe.
MURPHY'S LEG: Fans of first season Remington Steele may not remember Murphy Michaels having a limp in the show. He didn't. Jill gave it to him after he almost died in a cave in "Will You Steele Need Me?" published in Steele Files I and now in Works of Steele (available from me, ask for details). Jill really has a "thing" against Murphy. She damages him at any given opportunity. Heh, heh... Hurt/Comfort! Enjoy!
OPTICS OF AL RASHEED: The Caliph of Baghdad believed a craftsman's son was guilty of a crime (he didn't commit, by the way). The craftsman finally convinced the Caliph that he could prove his son innocent. He invented a pair of spectacles with lenses so thick that the wearer would not be able to see anything through them except for the face of an honest man. Needless to say, the son was seen... and pardoned. Tradition has it the glasses never found another honest man... until Benny used them! (Thanks to "Encyclopedia of Things That Never Were" by Michael Page and Robert Ingpen... and to Susan, who sends the most wonderful, unique Christmas presents that ever were!)
PROFILER: Crime "profiling" seems to be the hottest thing around -- to be able to get into the head of a criminal, think like him and capture him (okay, maybe a little bit more complex than that, but...) Many say it started with Mulder in X-Files but the idea's been around for quite a while. Bruce B. starred in a movie with the same premise -- I should remember the title but I've blocked it, I think -- where the killer peeled the face off his victims and wore them like masks <shudder>. It was pretty disturbing. Profiler is the good one of the two series currently based on this idea. (ed. note: This is only Elaine's opinion, since I happen to watch Millennium -- jill)
RAGS TO RICHES: Rags to Riches was a short lived NBC series set in the 1960's. Joe Bologna starred as a playboy millionaire bachelor who ended up taking in 5 orphan girls. (Note: They started out with 6 girls in the pilot but lost one. She was Heather McAdams and she played Michelle on Salvage.) The format was that of a movie musical. At major plot points, the music would swell and the girls would break out in to song and dance. The show was great fun.
RAT PATROL: Rat Patrol ran on ABC from 1966 through 1968. It chronicled a group of commandos fighting Rommel's elite Afrika Korps in World War II. Christopher George played Sgt. Sam Troy and Justin Tarr portrayed Pvt. Tully Pettigrew. Jo has introduced the Rat Patrol to the Cousins' universe in a roundabout way. Rivka Dietrich is a descendant from the show. I'll be showing my ignorance here, but I'm not quite sure of the connection. All I know is that Captain Dietrich was the "C.O. of a German armored unit... (who were) their usual enemy, though sometimes the two sides had to join forces to fight off the Arabs." Guess we'll have to get more details later. (By the way, thanks to "The Complete Directory to Prime Time Network TV Shows" by Tim Brooks and Earle Marsh.)
SHADOW CHASERS: This show was an extremely funny, truly wonderful show from Kenneth Johnson starring Trevor Eve as Jonathan MacKenzie and Dennis Duggan as Edgar (Bennie) Benedek. Jonathan was a very stuffy Anthropology professor who believed in nothing occult and Bennie was a writer for the National Register (same paper Jack McGee, who was after David Banner in The Incredible Hulk, worked for) who believed in everything occult. Jonathan ended up "chasing shadows" with Bennie only to keep his research grant. Trevor can now be found vying with Anthony Head (Oliver - VR.5 and Gills - Buffy the Series) for the Taster's Choice Lady's affection, portraying the ex-hubby. NOTE: Taster's Choice Lady is Trevor's real wife.
SHE-WOLF OF LONDON/LOVE & CURSES: She-Wolf of London is another bizarre British series but in today's setting. Randi Wallace (Michaels) was attacked by a werewolf on the Moors of England and, thereafter, proceeded to get a little hairy and ornery during full moons. Luckily her mythology professor, Ian Matheson, was usually available to shackle her up whenever necessary (but not quite always). About halfway through the series' run, it changed location to Mali, California. A romance developed between Randi and Ian. Unfortunately, to their utter frustration, they found that the full moon wasn't the only thing to cause Randi to transform and they were never able to "consummate" their relationship. It's currently running on Sci Fi and well worth your time.
SOMETHING IS OUT THERE: Short-lived (am I using this term to death or what?) series with Joe Courts as a cop and Marry Dhabi as a beautiful space alien. She was stuck on Earth after the crew of her research ship was destroyed by an evil being known as a Xenomorph! Fun show with an excellent support behind-the-scenes staff -- Also findable on Sci Fi.
TAILRINGS: Created by a Salem witch who foresaw her own death, she built this artificial cat to avenge her death. Legend says the eyes glowed and it had a ringed tail and she tore the witch hunters to shreds. (Reference to "Encyclopedia of Things That Never Were" by Michael Page and Robert Ingpen)
VOLCANOLOGISTS/VULCANOLOGISTS: Pronounced the same and both acceptable per most basic dictionaries (plus the Orange County Registers which ran an article about one of our favorite spots to hike in the summer - Mammoth Mountain -- and it's volcanic possibilities), I have to believe that only someone who likes Star Trek because of Mr. Spock would ever argue with me that I'd spelled it wrong (first way is my choice). Contrary to some beliefs, one who is the above referenced is not an expert on the planet Vulcan, but one who studies volcanoes (like Krakatoa or Vesuvius or Mammoth). Don't let 'em tell you any different!
VOYAGER: The latest of the Star Trek franchise from Paramount, Voyager has entered the Cousin world with not one, but two stories this year. NOTE: Richard Chaves (Paul Ironhorse) portrayed the leader of a group of aliens who seemed have a connection to Chakotay's ancestors... heh, heh, heh!