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Lee Stetson smiled as he changed the calendar in Amanda's and his cheery kitchen from January to February. Noticing with dismay that the important dates for the month had not yet been marked, he moved to the junk drawer and searched until he found a red pen. Walking back to the calendar, he carefully drew a circle around the box for 13 February. Then, grinning broadly, he placed a number "10" within the box and stepped back to admire his handiwork.
"Ten years," he muttered softly under his breath, hardly believing that he and Amanda had been married for that long. It seemed like only yesterday that they had stood in front of the Justice of the Peace in Marion and promised to love and cherish one another for all the days of their lives. He remembered the excitement and nervousness he'd felt repeating the vows that had transformed him from a carefree bachelor into a committed husband. He'd been worried at the time that he wouldn't be able to be the kind of husband Amanda deserved. He knew he loved her more than he'd ever loved anyone before, but he remembered thinking, Is that enough? Will I still feel the same way years down the road?
Now it was ten years later and he knew the answer - yes, love was enough. In the time since their wedding, Lee had been amazed as he found himself falling more and more in love with his wife. He could honestly say he loved her more now, a decade later, than on the day he'd married her. He couldn't imagine what his life would have been like without her.
They were a true team, facing everything together. They shared heartaches and joys, laughter and tears. They were friends, partners, and lovers. She brought the meaning to his life.
Shaking his head, he brought himself out of his reverie and focused his attention back to the present. I'll have to think of some special way for us to celebrate, he thought happily, glancing once again at the calendar before heading outside to tend to the horses.
Amanda walked into the kitchen later that morning with her arms full of groceries. Setting her load on the counter, she turned to take a bag from Jenny and noticed the red circle on the calendar. Mechanically putting the bag down, she walked over to take a closer look, an unreadable expression on her face.
Staring at the words on the page, she was filled with a sense of dread. Up until that moment she hadn't thought much about the fact that Lee's and her tenth anniversary was approaching. She'd pushed it out of her mind, forcing herself not to think about it and hoping Lee would forget it was coming up. She realized now, though, that she would have to face the inevitable. Lee obviously remembered and was looking forward to celebrating the occasion. Amanda wished she could be excited too, but her fear prevented her from feeling anything but uneasiness. She didn't know how to tell Lee she didn't want to do anything to mark this anniversary, that she would rather just forget about it completely.
Lost in thought, it took her a few moments to realize Jenny was trying to get her attention, "Mommy. Mommy? What's the matter? Why are you just standing there?"
She turned to her daughter. "Huh, what Sweetheart? Oh, nothing's wrong." Looking down into Jenny's worried eyes, she smiled reassuringly and replied, "I was just thinking is all." Sensing that Jenny knew something was bothering her, she tried to distract her. "Hey, what do you say we get this stuff put away, then go see what Daddy and Matt are up to?"
Jenny's face broke into a broad smile in response to her suggestion. "Okay, Mommy," she answered eagerly as she started helping Amanda unpack the groceries.
A couple of days later, while at work, Lee broached the subject of their anniversary. "You know, Amanda, I've been thinking," he started.
"Yeah," she responded absently, not looking up from the file she was studying. "About what?"
"Well, we have a special day coming up and so far we haven't made any plans for it," he continued, ignoring her preoccupation.
Amanda glanced up, then quickly reverted her gaze back down before answering. "That's right, we do," she hedged. Hoping to distract him, she drew his attention to the file. "You know, Lee, I think if we look hard enough we might find a clue to this case right here."
Undaunted, Lee continued. "Well, I have some ideas," he offered excitedly. When Amanda didn't respond, he pressed harder. "I've been doing some checking around, and there's still enough time to plan something nice, to get away for a few days."
Amanda remained engrossed in her work. "Get away where?" she asked warily. "We only have two weeks. That's not enough time to arrange a trip."
Lee wouldn't be put off. "Sure it is, " he insisted confidently, then grinned slyly. "You forget, I have my ways. Time is no obstacle."
In exasperation, Amanda finally met his gaze. "But Lee... we have a lot of other things to consider now. What about work? The kids? Who are we going to get to watch the kids?"
"Amanda, you know your mother would love to watch the kids and we can take a few days off from work; it's pretty quiet anyway right now," he countered calmly. "How often do we get to celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary?" he questioned with a smile. "So... whattaya say? Any suggestions where we should go?"
Before she could say anything, the phone rang, causing Amanda to breath a sigh of relief as she reached to answer it. For the moment, she was saved by the bell. She knew, though, her reprieve was only temporary. Lee wouldn't give up that easily. It would just be a matter of time before he pursued the subject once again.
She didn't have long to wait. The next day Lee came home from running errands after work with a handful of brochures. He'd been doing his research and had about five different ideas of places they could go -- from weekend trips to a mini vacation. As Amanda prepared dinner, he excitedly showed her the many options.
"We have a couple of different choices. We can just make a weekend of it and go somewhere locally, say... Pine Top. Or we extend it a few days and do something like take a cruise. Or, we can really go all out... take a week or so and go someplace like Europe. It's up to you," Lee recounted enthusiastically.
"I don't really think we have enough time to plan a trip to Europe," Amanda stalled. "And I don't know about a cruise. There's a lot of details -- flight reservations to coordinate... on top of the actual cruise booking. That might be tough," she finished logically.
Lee nodded his head slowly. "You're right. Maybe we should just try a weekend get away." He thought for a few moments, then suddenly snapped his fingers and smiled broadly. "I've got an idea! Why don't we recreate our wedding night? We can stay at the Crystal Springs Inn in Marion. That's not too far away and two weeks is plenty of time to make reservations; that's all we had the first time. We'll make a weekend of it. Do you like it?" he asked excitedly.
Amanda tried to appear as if she was concentrating on chopping carrots, while she answered hesitantly. "Well... we could do that. It's just..." Before she could finish her sentence, Jenny and Matt came running into the kitchen to show off the pictures they'd drawn. After Lee and Amanda praised their work enthusiastically, the kids pulled their daddy into the other room to color with them, effectively ending the discussion for the time being.
Later that night, as they got ready for bed, Lee brought the subject up again. Amanda was in the bathroom combing her hair as Lee called in to her.
"You know Amanda, we still haven't decided what we want to do for our anniversary. Every time we try and talk about it, we get interrupted. It's coming up fast, though, so we should make some decisions. What do you want to do? Want me to call Crystal Springs Inn and reserve the honeymoon suite?" He flashed a mischievous grin.
Amanda paused with the brush in mid-stroke. She knew she wouldn't be able to avoid the conversation much longer. "I don't know, Lee," she began slowly. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
Lee walked over and stood in the doorway to the bathroom, his expression one of confusion. "Why wouldn't it be?"
Amanda set the brush on the sink, then turned to him reluctantly, carefully avoiding his gaze. "What if it's not the same? We might be disappointed. Why don't we just have a quiet night at home?" she suggested timidly.
Lee wasn't quite sure how to respond. "I guess we could, but I thought you'd want to do something special. After all, it's a special day," he stated at last.
Amanda looked down at her hands. "I'd rather not make a big deal out of it. Why can't we just treat it like any other day?" she questioned softly.
Lee was confused and a little hurt. "But it isn't like any other day, " he persisted. "It's our tenth anniversary." Not getting a response out of Amanda, Lee walked over to her and gently placed his hands on her elbows. "Amanda, what's wrong? Is something bothering you? You haven't seemed yourself lately."
Becoming uncharacteristically defensive, Amanda shook his hands off her arms and took a step away from him. "Why do you think anything's wrong?" she demanded hotly. "I just would rather not do anything special for our anniversary this year is all. What's wrong with that?"
Lee grew defensive as well, hurt by her seeming indifference. "I just don't understand why you're not as excited as I am," Lee told her angrily. "Are you mad at me? Did I do something to upset you?"
"No," Amanda answered quickly. "Look, I'd just rather not do anything to mark this anniversary," she supplied testily. "Can't you respect my wishes on this?" she demanded in frustration.
"No," Lee returned honestly, "I can't. I want to know what's bothering you."
Amanda felt like she was losing control. She didn't want to fight with Lee, but for some reason she couldn't contain her anger. Needing some time to gain control over her emotions, she snapped curtly, "Nothing is bothering me, all right? I just need some time to think." Pushing past him, she hurried out of the room and down the stairs.
Lee watched her go with shock on his face. He had never seen Amanda react this way before. Not certain if he should follow her or not, he sat on the edge of the bed and went over their last few conversations in his head, trying to find a clue to her behavior.
Amanda collapsed onto the couch in the den, a thousand different emotions coursing through her. Glancing at the table next to her, her eyes lighted on their wedding picture. Carefully picking it up, she lightly touched Lee's face then pressed the picture close to her as she softly started to cry.
She wanted to be excited about their anniversary; after all, the last ten years had been the happiest time of her life. Whenever she tried to be positive about it, though, memories from years ago invaded her thoughts and made her want to just forget that the day was approaching at all. Sorrowfully, she thought back to that different life so long ago and the anniversary that was never to be.
She shuddered as she remembered reading the date on the divorce papers - August 22, 1982 -- the date that would have been Joe's and her tenth anniversary. How ironic, she had thought at the time, that their divorce would become final ten years to the day after they had exchanged the vows that were supposed to have united them as husband and wife forever. As the day had drawn nearer, she had written in the box on her calendar, in tiny letters, "9:00 Lawyer's appt." Every day for that entire month she had seen those words in the place where it should have read, "10th Anniversary," and every day it tore at her heart to realize her marriage would soon be over, that she had failed in the one area of her life that she had hoped never to fail in.
Now, years later, happily married to Lee, this failure was still haunting her. She knew in her heart that she and Lee had a solid, loving marriage, but for some reason this old doubt had surfaced as their tenth anniversary quickly approached. She knew logically that she should be celebrating this milestone. Unlike before, she and Lee had made it to this point. But all she wanted to do was forget it was coming -- treat it like any other day. She was afraid of being disappointed again -- afraid something would happen to prevent the two of them from making it to the day. Letting her thoughts return to the present situation, she berated herself once again for letting the past interfere with her present. She hugged the picture tighter against herself as sobs overwhelmed her.
Lee stood quietly in the doorway to the den, debating whether he should go to Amanda or not. He'd been standing there watching her for the last few minutes, trying to figure out what could be bothering her, torn between anger and concern. He was worried that something was upsetting her, but angry that she wouldn't share whatever it was with him. Finally deciding they needed to resolve things, he walked silently over and sat beside her on the couch.
Amanda felt him sit down and turned her tear stained face to him, wanting to reach out to him, but afraid of how he would respond. Lee, as if sensing her hesitation, gently put his arms around her and drew her close.
"Amanda, we need to talk about this," he said softly, pulling back slightly to look in her face.
Amanda nodded and whispered brokenly, "I know." Extracting herself from his embrace, she leaned back against the couch and stared at her lap.
Lee carefully proceeded. "I don't really understand what just happened. All I know is that I'm angry and confused. From the looks of it, so are you. Why don't you tell me what's bothering you. Why don't you want to do anything for our anniversary? Is it something I've done?" he asked curiously.
"No, it's not you, Lee," she rushed to reassure him. Then, after pausing briefly to collect her thoughts, she added, "It's something that happened a long time ago."
As Lee listened intently, Amanda told him about the painful memories this anniversary was dredging up for her. When she was done, she remarked apologetically, "I know you're not Joe and that our marriage is strong and healthy, but I just haven't been able to shake these thoughts. I remember the last time Joe was home before things got bad, he promised to take me to Europe on our tenth anniversary. That had always been our dream." With an ironic chuckle she added, "Obviously that pledge was never fulfilled."
Lee smiled understandingly, waiting for Amanda to continue. "Anyway, every time I walk past the calendar in the kitchen, I think of that calendar so long ago and it hurts because I've always felt like my first marriage fell apart because of something I'd done. I don't want to make those same mistakes with our marriage," she finished quietly, once again turning her watery gaze to the wedding picture clutched in her hands.
Lee gathered her into his arms and tried to reassure her. "Amanda, nothing's going to happen to us... I promise you. What you've just told me explains a lot of things, though." Gently caressing her cheek, he apologized. "I'm sorry I've been pushing all these ideas on you. I should have been listening... hearing what you were really trying to say."
Amanda looked lovingly into his eyes. "I should have been honest with you a long time ago. How are you supposed to know I'm upset about something like this unless I tell you? I'm sorry for not being more straightforward with you."
"Apology accepted," Lee said with a grin. "And don't worry about our anniversary, we'll have a quiet evening at home like you want, okay?"
Amanda appreciated his compromise. "I promise I'll make it up to you," she offered with a smile.
"I'll hold you to that," Lee teased with a twinkle in his eye. Becoming serious once again, he reminded her, "Amanda, one more thing. I'm not Joe, okay? I'm not leaving you... ever." He took the picture gently out of her hands. "The day this was taken, I made a vow to love you and be with you forever. I plan to honor that pledge. So, no matter what happens, you're stuck with me, for better or worse."
Amanda smiled at him gratefully. "I know, Lee, and I appreciate that. I'll try not to let stuff that happened with Joe come between us anymore." Looking deep into his eyes, she added, "I love you."
Setting the frame back on the table, he pulled her close once again. "I love you, too," he told her, as their lips touched in a tender kiss.
The next day Lee walked in the door after a long day of work and was greeted by the pleasant smell of baking cookies. After setting his briefcase in the entryway, he wandered into the kitchen, loosening his tie on the way. Stopping in the doorway, he silently observed his family hard at work cutting out and frosting cookies. Without saying a word, he watched as Amanda helped Matt carefully cut the dough with a heart shaped cookie cutter then turned to Jenny and praised the wonderful decorating job she was doing.
Marveling at the love and patience she bestowed on the kids, his mind wandered to what his life had been like since marrying her. She was a special woman. He was so lucky to have her in his life. For the hundredth time, he wondered how Joe could have left her like he did, choosing his job over her. Nothing was more important to Lee than Amanda and the kids. Standing there gazing at her, he felt a desire to find a way to let her know how much she meant to him -- how much the last ten years had meant to him. He had promised her a quiet evening at home and he wasn't going to break that vow, but he knew there had to be some way to show her that he wasn't Joe -- that their anniversary was important to him without making her uncomfortable. He couldn't let the day go by without doing something. He contemplated the situation for a few moments before finally realizing a solution. He and Amanda didn't have to go out to have a romantic evening. With a little work, he could arrange a celebration right here at home.
As he mulled the idea over in his mind, Jenny looked up and saw him standing there. "Daddy's home!" she squealed excitedly, racing over to him and throwing her frosting-coated hands around him. Matt soon followed suit, forcing Lee out of his thoughts and into the kitchen, as both kids led him over to show him the colorful Valentine's Day cookies they were working on.
As the week wore on, Lee set to work on his plans. Luckily, the kids had an administrative holiday on Friday, so he arranged for Dotty to meet him at the school Thursday afternoon to take them home with her for the weekend.
When Thursday finally rolled around, everything went as planned. Amanda left on the round of errands Lee had carefully arranged. Lee managed to get the kids safely off with Dotty for the weekend, then headed home to put the final touches on his plan. He wanted everything to be perfect when Amanda walked in the door that night.
When Amanda finally did get home around five, she was surprised by a pleasant aroma and the silence that filled the house. She wondered where Lee and the kids were. Setting her keys down in the entryway, she called for Lee. When he didn't answer, she decided to investigate the delicious smells. Wandering into the dining room, she stopped and stared in amazement at the sight which greeted her eyes. The table was romantically set for two, with candles softly burning and a bouquet of ten red roses placed carefully in the center.
Noticing a piece of paper sitting beneath a single red rose, she slowly stepped up to the table. Picking up the rose, she sniffed it thoughtfully as she read the message Lee had left for her.
Happy Anniversary, Amanda.
Thanks for making me the luckiest man alive. May the next 10 years be as
perfect as the last.
With love forever,
Lee
As she read the note again, Amanda picked out the first few notes of The Search is Over playing softly in the living room then turned as she heard Lee in the door.
"Happy Anniversary, Amanda," Lee whispered huskily as he walked towards her and handed her the rose he held in his hand.
With tears streaming down her cheeks, she took the flower from him, too overwhelmed to speak at first. When she finally found her voice, she didn't know what to say. "Lee... this... this is beautiful. Thank you," she murmured in awe. "But I thought we agreed we weren't going to do anything for our anniversary."
"No," Lee contradicted lightly. "We just agreed not to go anywhere to celebrate, but to have a quiet dinner at home. Well, this is a quiet dinner at home."
Amanda couldn't debate his logic. "You're right. We did agree to a simple dinner at home. But how did you do this? Where are the kids?" she asked, perplexed.
"They're with your mother for the weekend. Amanda, I wanted to do something special so you could see all that we have to celebrate." Putting his arms around her, he continued lovingly, "I wanted you to see that our marriage is different... that you don't have to be afraid to celebrate our love. We've reached a milestone here. Neither one of us has ever had a relationship last this long before. This is the beginning of uncharted territory for both of us," he said with a grin. "Seriously, Amanda, I wanted to show you how much our marriage means to me. How much you mean to me."
Amanda was speechless, touched by the emotion in his voice. "Oh, Lee," she finally choked out, "this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I can't believe you tried so hard to respect my wishes and still make this anniversary special. Thank you," she finished as she wrapped her arms tightly around him.
Lee returned the hug. "You're welcome," he replied as his half-lidded eyes leisurely searched her face before finally settling on her lips. Slowly, they moved closer, their lips touching in a lingering kiss. When they finally parted, Lee whispered tenderly, "I love you, Amanda."
"I love you, too, Lee, " Amanda returned as they came together for another long kiss.
That night, while falling asleep in Lee's arms, Amanda thought back over the last few hours. She and Lee had enjoyed an exquisite meal, followed by romantic dancing in the living room. They had become lost in each other, leaving the rest of the world behind them. As they had moved into the bedroom, he had showed her in a way words never could how much he still loved her. It had been a perfect evening, one Amanda couldn't believe she had almost missed because of her fears.
Thinking about Lee's comment earlier that night, she realized he was right. They finally had left the past behind them. They had both reached a point that neither had achieved before in a relationship. This anniversary was the first step towards a new horizon. Cuddling closer to Lee, Amanda fell asleep with a dreamy smile on her face, lost in thoughts of what the future would hold.