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The purpose of this Glossary is to explain any obscure reference to characters or shows present in some of the stories in this zine. Some people insist on using names referred to in stories not present or like to use characters from old and new television shows no one has ever heard of... or is ever likely to, outside of this zine.
APOCRYPHAL COUSINS: These are relatives actually included in the family tree but are a bit on the extra-ordinary side -- think Addams Familyish. Some of the odder ones are not present this year (i.e., snow vampires, werewolves, mutants, etc.), but Jill still insists that anything containing a certain reporter who wears glasses, belongs in this section. I'm not quite sure what she has against the press, but since she formats and prints the zine, I have no say in the matter.
Just a footnote to this section: The votes are in and those who wrote overwhelmingly agreed with me that Lois & Clark do (and did not) belong in the Apocryphal section. Since Jill's first impression originally last year was that it didn't, and then her first impression was that it did (her words, not mine), I think there's enough support to move it. All those who vote to redo Issue 4 and 5, raise your hands.
Stories in this section may or may not be reflected in the reality of the rest of the zine. Editor's choice.
BETHIE: Bethie is a character from a Battlestar: Galactica story called "A Quiet Whisper" by Jill. She was a poor sad child befriended by Starbuck. She was stuck in a hole and died.
What can I say since Jill has now published this story. It used to be tradition that Bethie appeared in all our zines -- just because. It was also tradition that she'd never seen the light of zine -- now she has. <sigh> This part just isn't fun anymore. :-( But I won't mess with what is my duty by excluding her. No, I'm not pouting!
CAITLIN: Caitlin is a character created by Annita Smith and she seems to have been taken over by everyone else. She first appeared in an Equalizer story called "Trial by Existence" (published by Mary Wardell in Primetime 4). She's RemRem's sister and Andy's wife. She's had a very hard life. She started out as a hooker but ended up as the new matriarch of a large family. She's been cast as Connie Selleca, in case you wondered and didn't want to check the Cast of Characters.
THE "COLONEL": The "Colonel" is Lee's uncle. First season Scarecrow & Mrs. King referred to him only by this name. Second season they gave him a face and a last name. It was not Stetson, which would have made him Lee's mother's brother. Unfortunately, SMK was never very big on continuity. The "Colonel" was a red-necked career military sort and Lee's mother (from fourth season) was a proper British lady. We believe the contradictions cancel each other and choose to go the way of Reunion and subsequent stories written before (and since) the SMK writers messed with their own storyline. So... Colonel Stetson is Lee's father's brother and Jenny Michaels is from Santa Fe, New Mexico. (See "Continuity.")
CONTINUITY: Hah! Continuity is something that is not alive and well in television land -- a prime example is the age Lee was when his parents died. Pick an age, almost any age... Okay, he was young at the time (that pretty much stays the same throughout the versions -- bully for them) but other than that...
Some of the stories in Relativity were written when the shows were still on and we established background they didn't give to us. Sometimes it matched when the writers finally got around to that part, most times it didn't so we try to be continuitous to ourselves, if not the actual show. If a series was (get this, it'll surprise you) not consistent with itself, we either chose the ideas we liked, or made up our own (once they break that "C" word, it's all fair as far as we're concerned).
(Co-Editor's note to Co-Editor: Elaine, is "continuitous" really a word? jh)
FROM THE DESERT TO THE SEA... TO ALL OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Actually, this is a quote taken out of context but it sorta applies to Relativity in an odd sorta way. We used to use it in connection to the show Emergency since those paramedics sure had an awful big area to cover -- really, things are close in California, but they're not that close. We have now stretched the time period that our zine encompasses from the mini-series North And South (George kinda appeared in an earlier issue -- remember Cait finding a pic of a Union soldier?) to one of the farthest outposts in space, Babylon 5 -- a little bit bigger than Southern Cal, but close. We've also had lots of "friends" join in -- Mimbari Ambassadors, Amos Burke, U.N.C.L.E.'s finest, James West, Fox Mulder (Diane, thank you for saying I make it work, but I don't see a prob with having Spooky and CK together in the same universe ;-) And I'm sure many more will join the ranks before we're done.
GEORGE FOX: George Fox is the Federal agent who was trying to capture Paul Forrester and Scott Hayden in the series Starman. George was convinced that the alien was there to conquer our world and he was getting a little bit more wacko as the show went along. Poor George finally went off the deep end after so many years of not capturing the alien; he's totally certifiable now. Hangar 11 was established in Starman and the events are pretty much spelled out in "By The Light of the Moon" and Bureau 39 was established in Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman with Jason Trask as the nutcase who operated that UFO collection before his death while trying to kill Clark and his parents.
George seems to pretty much have found a home in the L&C universe. Who says shows get cancelled and characters go into limbo... Certainly not fans.
GOUSH: "Goushe" is a word that needs to be understood to appreciate Jill's (and others') stories. A "Gougch" is a word that has no correct spelling. It is a story with a character being incredibly noble while overcoming extreme obstacles and being a poor sad baby, all at the same time. It can entail a certain amount of hurt/comfort (emotional or physical) but is to an extreme degree. Murphy is a prime example of this. We all think of him as a "Gooshe" though nothing in Remington Steele suggests this kind of a background (actually nothing in RS gives him much of a background at all) but Jill has taken care of this. His mother left him when he was young, his father withdrew from him because of this, his brother was a bully, he was stuck in a cave when he was a child (see "Bethie," sticking people in holes is a theme Jill absolutely loves) and as an adult, he now has a very bad limp which constantly gets in the way, etc. Jill is the Queen of "Goush."
IS IT NECESSARY?: Just wondering if it's really necessary for me to explain North and South, Wild, Wild West, Tour of Duty, Six Million Dollar Man, or Man from U.N.C.L.E. (did I forget any?). If it is, please write and ask me about it -- later. It's 2:30 a.m. and I have to get this proofed and spellchecked before Jill shows up to collect it tonight (it has to be ready right after work since Dean's on line tonight and I have a seat reserved!).
LEE'S PARENTS: See "The Colonel" and "Continuity" for greater detail. We're keeping with Jill's version of their death (auto accident in Japan) rather than killed as agents and then framed as traitors. If the show is followed, it brings up that whole thing about the red-neck and the Brit and we prefer our universe anyway!
MARTHAS AND CLARKS (AND PLEASE DON'T SAY IT... CONTINUITY): In Relativity 1 it was established that the Michaels family's neighbors were the Clarks and Mrs. Clark's first name was Martha. Well, trying to figure out how to get Clark Kent into the family (or at least the zine), I remembered from my old S-man comics that my... er, our hero was named after his mother's maiden name "Clark." Okay, so if Jill wouldn't let me have CK actually be related to the Michaels (yes, I tried several ways and she didn't like them), he had to be someone's relative (adopted or not, he's there). Unfortunately the only name (besides Rainbow's) established from this family was "Martha," but it's not a real big deal since it works that she's actually Martha Kent's sister-in-law. Ta-da!
Continuity with the show -- I wrote the story last year before the season finale where we didn't really get a revelation, but almost. Obviously my chain of events has veered from the producers and I apologize if this offends any purists. This year's story was written in April, (yes, after the not-wedding arc) and so I've chosen to ignore parts again. Besides, my story picks up from where the last one left off, so none of that could possibly have happened anyway!
MURPHY'S LEG: We have yet to have a Relativity issue that doesn't require explanation of Murph's leg (Diane gets to be the one guilty this year). Fans of first season RS may not remember Murphy Michaels having a limp in the show. He didn't. Jill gave it to him after he almost died in a cave in "Will You Steele Need Me?" published in Steele Files I. Jill has this "thing" against Murphy and she damages him at any and every given opportunity. Hurt/Comfort... we love it!
RAGS TO RICHES: Rags to Riches was a short-lived NBC series set in the 1960's. Joe Bologna placed a millionaire bachelor who ended up taking in 5 orphan girls. (Note: They started out with 6, but lost one after the pilot. She was played by Heather McAdams who also played orphan Michelle on Salvage-1.) The format was that of a movie musical. At major plot points, the music would swell and the girls would break out into song and dance. The show was a lot of fun.
Our authors have taken the eldest daughter, Rose, and really made her into a wonderful character. For an obscure show, she's become quite popular in our zine.
SEPARATED AT BIRTH: Those who watched Lois & Clark this year know The Powers That Be are really trying to mess with our minds. What else can you say about the fact that a Murphy look-alike is Jimmy Olsen's father. Not only this, he pretty much belongs to the family if only by his line of work (superspy). (Anyone find it ironic that Pierce's old "rival" from first season RS ends up playing a Bond-like spy the same year PB finally lands the big screen Bond role? I love it!)
And then there's Dotty... er Abigail... um Ellen -- what the heck -- Beverly Garland. There are a few universes established out there that have Dotty (Amanda's mum from SMK) and Abigail (Laura's mother from RS) as twin sisters, but Relativity has never gone this route. We have had, however, some serious speculation that Ellen (Lois' mom from L&C) could be related to them. (I apologize this comparison is so long in the making -- obviously we didn't recognize her as a triplet in first season L&C since she was barely in the episode where Lois almost married Lex -- must have been a bad hair day or horrible lighting for Ellen that we didn't realize she was the same person ;-) I'm sure if anything would be done along these lines, though, Jill would probably relegate them to the Apocryphal section... she's like that , you know.
SW GLOSSARY: (Don't tell Jill, I'm sure she won't notice this here at the bottom since this is the very last thing that has to be done for our zine (yep, my editorial is, unbelievable, complete) -- Please, please, please don't tell her that I'm doing a SW Glossary in our Relativity zine. She wouldn't let me do one for the SW zine we put out this year. And if she does glance down, I'm abbreviating so she won't figure it out -- sneaky, huh?!) The Darklighter Boys - George L created a best friend for LS in SW, who was pretty much left on the cutting room floor. All we got to see was Biggs blowing up in the DS trench. Well, since that really didn't give him much of a history, Jill wrote of a hero-worshipping younger brother (Ranny) (this is in the aforementioned SW zine) and Patricia created an older, tragic, blind brother (Daniel). I won't go into how someone saw a picture of "Daniel" in the science building while we were in college. He was impersonating an undergraduate or something. I also won't go into how that picture disappeared off the board, nor how a large group of not-really-very-quiet club members "traveled in single file to hide (their) number" to return it one dark and stormy night. Oh, and since this is a separate glossary: Bethie - Child, hole, died, tragic!