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Amanda sighed and peered out the dining room window at the light coming from the barn. Should she join Lee or leave him alone to work through the thoughts and emotions of the day's activities? Usually the barn, especially the hayloft, was his place to sort through situations by himself before discussing them with family or friends. Knowing this, she and the kids usually gave him the time and solitude he sought.
This evening was different. Amanda leaned back against the window frame. She needed to know what he was feeling while she worked through her own thoughts because today they had given their daughter's care and happiness over to another person. Today was Jenny's wedding. A slight noise startled her from her thoughts.
"It was a happy day, wasn't it?" Murphy Michaels stated gently as he came up behind her.
Amanda nodded in reply but didn't lift her gaze from the pool of gleaming light across the yard.
"It's also a sad and a hard day, isn't it?" he continued just as gently.
Amanda nodded again as she turned to face him.
"Lee headed out to the barn about thirty minutes ago. Something about tending the animals." Pausing just for a second, Murphy took a deep breath. "He didn't say it, but I think the main animal he wanted to look after was Jenny's filly. Guess if your daughter isn't around, maybe looking after her horse helps to fill the gap," Murphy suggested teasingly.
Amanda felt tears begin to sting her eyes and she acknowledged his observation with a slight smile.
"I suppose so. I was just wondering if I should join him or leave him alone."
"Well, speaking as a father... I'd say there are times when a man needs to sort stuff out on his own, but when it comes to a daughter..." Murphy shrugged. "I'm afraid I'm not exactly an expert on mothers or daughters but I'd say a mother's opinion would probably be pretty helpful. Why don't you go feel him out? Trust me," he added dryly. "If Scarecrow wants to be left alone, you'll pick up on it soon enough."
Amanda laughed out loud at Murphy's insight. She gave him a quick hug and proceeded toward the barn, feeling a load lifting off her shoulders. She'd needed someone's input herself, and Murphy's words hit the mark.
At the creaking of the barn door, Lee Stetson looked up. Murphy's guess had been correct. He was brushing Buttons, Jenny's palomino mare. Seeing his wife, he smiled weakly. "We've been so busy the last few days that Jenny asked me to spend some time with Buttons so she wouldn't get lonesome while her best friend was on her honeymoon. You know, this horse is spoiled rotten," he added quickly, as if to explain himself. "She'll miss Jenny."
"I know," Amanda replied, walking slowly over and placing her hand on the filly's forehead. "I remember how she pined every time Jenny went off to summer camp." She laughed softly as she remembered. "Good thing Jenny lived close while she was in college. Don't think this horse would have handled it very well. They'd built up too close of a relationship," she stated as she watched her husband out of the corner of her eye and saw him pause in the brushing. "In fact," she continued, "Remember how Jenny would come out and take Buttons for a ride or put her through her paces when she was feeling upset or confused about something?" She reached into the bin and grabbed a handful of oats, holding it out to Buttons. The horse snuffled against her flat palm as she gobbled down the treat. Amanda smiled at the mare's greediness. "I don't think anything could get our daughter up and going again quicker than to laugh at one of this horse's pranks or just petting her soft muzzle and giving her a hug.... Anything except maybe spending some time with you or me... or Josh."
Lee's head came up, and for the first time he looked Amanda straight in the eye. Then, to her surprise, he asked bluntly, "Do you think he loves her enough?"
"What?" Amanda asked in amazement. "Lee, they've dated for four years. He adores her. I couldn't be happier with her choice of a husband."
"Yeah," Lee continued urgently, "but will she be as special to him as you are to me? I mean... I know I've had my weak points as a husband and father, but I've loved you more than I've ever allowed myself to love anyone else." He leaned across Button's broad back, his eyes thoughtful. "I was terrified at first," he admitted with a self-conscious smile. "Opening up like that allows for so many chances to be hurt. Dating is one thing... even being engaged, but after you're married you can't just run back to the safety of your apartment and close the door to hide from your feelings and the situation. And that just opens you up for so much." He straightened up again. "Then there's the physical stuff. Not sure I even want to think about that..." he mumbled to himself.
Amanda tried to stifle a giggle, remembering how Lee'd glowered at Jenny's first suitors. The fact their daughter had grown into a sweet and beautiful young woman had led many young men to their doorstep, a situation Lee had never been comfortable with.
"I mean... our honeymoon, what there was of it, was great and you were so beautiful. Even though we had to live apart for those months, it was still the best thing that had ever happened to me. But during that time, especially when you were shot, I realized how scary it was to let someone get close. Then there was the time I acted like a jerk about going to Europe and you took the kids and left for the ranch. I don't know which shook me more -- nearly losing you to a bullet when I'd only had a glimpse of our life together, or laying alone in our bed not knowing if we'd be able to work things out and hoping I could make it okay again."
Laying down the brush, Lee ran his hands through his hair. "I mean those are desperate feelings Jenny's opened herself up to. We're not dealing with a skinned knee or losing a school debate. This is a whole new ball game and it seems like only last week that I brought the two of you home from the hospital and gave her Paddington. I feel like I've just gotten being her dad down pretty pat and.. "
"And now all of a sudden you've lost the everyday privilege of making sure everything's okay," Amanda softly surmised. "Now there'll be another man's arms she'll run to first. The question is... will he love her like you have? Will he try to make her feel secure and protected like you did? When he blows it, will he say he's sorry and not lay the blame on her?"
"Yeah," Lee responded strongly. "I like Josh. He's a great kid, but that's all he is."
Smiling from ear to ear, Amanda walked over and put her arms around her husband. "You know what?"
"What?" Lee asked, slightly suspicious.
"Jenny told me something today while I was helping her adjust her veil."
"And?"
"I was talking about our wedding day and how happy I was she and Josh didn't have all the secrecy we had, and how I hoped she'd be as happy with him as I've been with you. Know what she said?"
"What?" he asked hesitantly, but definitely intrigued.
"She looked up at me and positively glowed. Then she said 'Oh, Mom, haven't you already guessed why I'm marrying Josh? Since his dad died when he was in high school, Dad's kinda been his role model these past four years. He said Dad even gave him suggestions on to treat the woman he loves... Don't you see Mom, I've always wanted to marry a man who would look at me like Daddy looks you, and I am. That's why I'm so happy... because I know Josh loves me as much as I love him."
Lee looked down at Amanda in astonishment. "She said that? She's marrying Josh because he reminds her of us... of me?"
Amanda nodded happily. "I can't think of a better guideline. Not having her around's going to take some getting used to, but if she feels that confident about her choice I couldn't be happier. It makes letting go a lot easier because if she's right, she'll be one happy young lady. I don't know what more a parent could ask for, do you?" Amanda asked looking directly into Lee's eyes.
"No, I don't," he agreed, smiling. Pulling her into a bear hug, he added, "It does make it a lot easier."