RITES OF PASSAGE
BY
JILL HARGAN
(ELKRIDGE SPRING 1970)

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"This is too weird," Andy commented for at least the tenth time. He sat on the back steps of Aunt Thelma's farmhouse, Skip and Murphy on either side of him. "Almost exactly five years since J.J. died and now Tom." He shook his head at the cosmic injustice. "How long can it last, man?"

"Long enough for us, maybe?" Murphy asked with a curious glance at his cousins.

"Not me!" Andy declared emphatically. "If this stupid war's still going on when I graduate, I'm headin' for Canada."

"Don't let anybody in there hear you," Skip advised, jerking his thumb over his shoulder. "Besides the fact that you'd hurt Aunt Thelma and Uncle John's feelings, Uncle Jake would come out here and tear you apart." "I'd like to see him try," Andy challenged defiantly but he lowered his voice nonetheless. Murphy watched Andy get up and walk over to the old well. He had to admit his cousin hardly looked the military type, with his well-worn Levi's, fringed leather jacket and long blond hair, pulled back in a pony tail. A sophomore at the University of New Mexico, Andy still had a couple of years before he had to deal with the draft but Murphy knew his cousin felt very strongly about the war. He wouldn't be a bit surprised if Andy did end up in Canada.

Skip was the exact opposite. A junior at the Naval Academy, Skip was an officer in training. Although Murphy knew this was mostly his older cousin's way of getting into the space program, he also knew, if duty called, Skip would go.

"What about you, Murph?" Skip asked quietly. Usually carefree, he'd been subdued since his arrival for Tom's funeral three days ago. But then, he and Tom had been the same age. Maybe it had hit him harder.

Murphy shrugged. "I try not to think about it," he admitted. "I guess maybe I'm hoping it'll end before I have to decide." That was true. He was nearing the end of his freshman year at USC. Life still loomed before him promisingly. He hated to dwell on unpleasant details.

"What do you think Lee will do?" Andy asked. "I'm sure the Colonel wants him in the Army."

Murphy shook his head. "Last letter he sent, he told me the Colonel wasn't saying anything about it. 'Course, if he keeps getting kicked out of school, he'll have to decide one way or another."

They fell silent, each lost in his own thoughts. Murphy wondered if they were so introspective merely because they were here for a funeral or because of the very real possibility they might have to go to war. Probably both, he decided. It couldn't have been just the funeral. They'd barely known Tom.

He was their cousin of course, but Murphy could hardly ever remember Aunt Thelma's family coming out for the reunions. Running a working dairy farm left little time for vacations. The few times they did come visiting, they didn't stay long. Tom and his little brother, Sam, had come out for a whole week once. That had been seven or eight years ago. Since then, Murphy had seen this part of his family very infrequently.

"Do you remember Tom very much?" Murphy asked Skip.

Skip shrugged. "Some. Mom talked to me about him a lot when we were little kids. We were in the same grade and all in school. But we lived so far away. It was hard to visit often."

"We came out here a couple of times," Andy remarked. He'd walked back over to sit down on the steps again. "I remember playing basketball with him. They had a hoop over the barn door."

Murphy automatically glanced over toward the big barn. He could see the iron hoop hanging there. What he also saw was a young blond boy about sixteen years old, standing there practicing free throws.

"Hey, there's Sam," he pointed out. His cousins turned to look. "You guys know him at all?"

Andy shook his head. "He's supposed to be some kind of brain or something."

"Wasn't that him playing the piano at the funeral?" Skip asked.

Murphy nodded, remembering. At the time he'd wondered how the kid could see to read the music with the tears that were running down his face.

"It must be pretty hard on him, losing his brother like that," Andy commented.

They watched him for a long while as he made shot after shot.

"He's pretty good," Murphy noted. "I didn't think geniuses were good at sports."

"You think maybe he'd want to play a game?" Andy asked.

They all looked at each other without answering.

"Let's go find out," Skip suggested. He got up and started toward the barn. Murphy and Andy followed him.

* * *

Sam focused on the rim and shot the ball. He'd come out here to do something, anything to take his mind off his troubles. He'd hoped to lose himself in the rhythm of shooting... hoped to forget about Tom for a while. But it wasn't helping. Basketball only reminded him more. It was as if Tom were beside him as always, giving him pointers, laughing if he missed. It wasn't fair. His brother shouldn't be dead. Suddenly he couldn't stand it anymore. He didn't aim. He merely slammed the ball at the backboard, not even watching as it rebounded hard and sailed off into the yard.

"Nice shot," someone commented.

Sam turned to see three young men standing behind him, regarding him curiously. They were his cousins, though he hardly knew them.

"I guess you can't make 'em all," Sam replied evenly. He wondered what they wanted from him.

The short one with the pony tail walked over and picked the ball up off the grass.

"You made most of 'em though," he remarked. "We were watching you shoot. You're pretty good. You on your school team?"

Sam nodded. "Starting forward... Varsity."

He watched his cousin come onto the driveway and give the ball a tentative bounce. The other two hung back, waiting.

"Name's Andy," the one with the ball told him. "That's Murphy and Skip."

Sam nodded. He'd heard their names before, he just hadn't been able to place them.

Andy lined up a shot and took it. The ball swished through the net and he turned back to Sam.

"You wanna play a game?" he asked with a grin.

Sam felt his shoulders sag as if a weight had been taken off of him. He smiled back at his cousin.

"Sure. Two on two?"

Andy nodded, then waved his companions onto the makeshift court. He looked at Sam, sizing him up. "You're nearly as tall as Murphy. Let's make the teams you and me against Skip and Murph."

Sam nodded his agreement. He watched Andy take off his jacket and raised his eyebrows at the "Make Love, Not War" tee shirt his cousin was wearing underneath it. Sam had been raised in a very conservative home. He knew his dad frowned upon hippies and their liberal attitudes, especially about the war. But for the first time in his life, Sam found himself agreeing with the sentiment. If people weren't so busy making war, Tom would still be alive. He sighed and caught the ball Andy passed to him. Time enough later for reconsidering a life's worth of ideas.

Soon they were caught up in the game. It was what he'd needed. For the time being at least he could forget his loss. In the midst of the running and shooting and good natured bickering, the world seemed back to normal, if only for a while.

They'd been playing for about twenty minutes when the back door slammed and Sam noticed someone headed toward them with long, purposeful strides. He wasn't sure which of his relatives it was. He only knew the man looked upset. He changed that to furious as the man drew nearer.

"Oh, God," Sam heard Andy mutter.

"Watch out," Murphy advised Sam. "Here comes trouble."

"I didn't do anything," Sam protested in confusion. "Is he mad at me?"

Skip put a friendly hand on Sam's shoulder. "Jake's always mad at the world. Don't worry. Just nod a lot and keep your mouth shut."

Sam didn't have time to reply. His uncle came storming onto the driveway.

"Just what the hell are you boys doing?" Jake demanded.

"Playing basketball," Andy replied innocently.

Sam watched as his uncle's face contorted with suppressed rage. He had no idea what could've made the man so angry.

"I wouldn't expect any better from you," Jake told Andy. "But you two..." He waved his hand at Skip and Murphy. "I thought you'd been brought up better than that. And you..." Now it was Sam's turn. Jake fixed him with an accusing eye. "You're out here playing and laughing it up while your mother's crying her eyes out and your own brother's not even cold in the grave. Don't you care, boy?"

Sam felt each word like a dagger in his heart. Of course he cared. How could this man question him about that? What gave him the right?

"I... I didn't mean anything... I... we were just..." Sam stammered, trying to explain his actions. But Jake didn't care to listen.

"I swear, I don't know what you were thinking, Boy. Causing your folks more hurt than they have already, that's what you were doing."

Sam's fists clenched at his side as his own anger stirred. He wanted nothing more than to make his uncle stop his tirade. He started forward but felt Skip's restraining hand on his arm.

"He's not worth it," came Andy's fierce whisper.

"I guess the wrong Beckett died," Jake concluded with a rueful shake of his head. "Tom would've never been out here playing around, showing disrespect for his dead brother."

"Jake!"

Grandma Michaels stood at the door, her hands on her hips. She said no more than his name. She merely waited for her son to respond to her call.

The interruption came just at the right time for Sam. He felt hot tears running down his face and he wiped at them angrily. He watched Uncle Jake face his mother. He couldn't hear what they were saying. He didn't care.

"Welcome to the family," Andy said and Sam turned to face his cousins.

"What?" he asked. He rubbed at his eyes, this time in embarrassment to be caught crying in front of his older cousins.

Skip gave a short laugh. "You're not officially part of the Michaels Clan till you've been chewed up and spit out by Uncle Jake."

"You mean he wasn't just mad at me?" Sam asked in disbelief.

"Hell no," Andy told him. "And don't take anything he ever tells you seriously. Nobody else in the whole world is as big a horse's ass as Jake Michaels."

"Really?" Sam marveled at how calm they were. "So he's said things to you before too?"

Murphy came up and slapped him on the back. He pointed to Andy. "Sam... you're looking at Uncle Jake's number one favorite whipping boy. You can believe anything Andy tell's you on the subject. He's the expert."

Sam smiled shyly, hoping they were right.

"Grandma's coming over," Skip announced. He turned to Sam. "She'll let you know if you did anything wrong. You can trust Grandma. She's the best."

Sam knew that already. Of all his mother's family, she was the one who'd visited most often. He could tell by the look on her face that everything was alright. She walked up to the court with a kindly smile on her weathered face.

"Why don't you boys come on in now? We're going to eat soon."

She took Sam's hand and squeezed it. He looked into her face and she gave him an understanding wink.

Sam felt like a ray of sunlight had just pierced through on a dark, stormy day. He leaned over and gave his grandmother a kiss on her cheek.

"We'll be right in," he promised.

She looked at each one in turn, then nodded, letting them know they'd done nothing wrong in her eyes. She turned and headed back to the house.

"Now that's one fine lady," Skip declared. He lobbed the ball at the basket one more time.

"How come she has such a..." Sam paused, at a loss for words.

"Such a hosepail for a son?" Andy laughed. "That's a question that's puzzled the finest minds in the family for years."

"It makes you wonder, doesn't it?" Murphy stated.

"It sure does," Sam agreed.

"I don't know about the rest of you," Skip said. "But I'm starving." He threw a brotherly arm across Sam's shoulders. "Let's go, cousin."

They walked up to the house. Sam felt better for their company. It wasn't the same as having Tom here. Nothing could ever be the same as having Tom back. But it helped... at least a little. And a little was better than nothing at all.